Relationships take a lot of work. We have to nurture them, spending time and attention on those we care about. We do our best to listen to them carefully, share our needs honestly, and work things out. This is very good, of course – it’s crucial for getting along. But it’s also necessary to relax and play.
Having fun together builds resiliency for the relationship. If we think of relationships like an emotional bank account, there can be deposits and withdrawals. Fun times we share make large deposits into the account. This positive balance in the relationship account gives us a cushion to soften the effect when we inevitably do something difficult like forget a birthday or make an unnecessarily crabby remark. Relationships with a little “give” are stronger than those in which we always have to be on our best behavior. A history of shared good times helps us give each other the benefit of the doubt about whether someone meant harm by an offhand comment that didn’t land well.
As we laugh and play together, we internalize how it feels to get along well. This gives us an anchor, an experience we can rely on when things are less fun. It also reduces stress and helps us relax. Talking about past fun times can bring back some of the magic, too. This helps remind us about the better phases of the relationship, helping us get through any rough patches.
When we’re relaxed, we’re more likely to let trivial things slide-off our backs. If we don’t take offense at a small affront, probably unintentional, we don’t have to make the effort to get over it. We’re all human and we all do and say stupid things more than we would like. With some extra points in the account, those things will make less of a negative impact.
Likewise, when we’re relaxed, we can be more creative in finding ways to bridge differences between us. After laughing over a game of Bocce Balls with our neighbors, we can more readily listen to them express an opinion opposite ours. And perhaps they’ll be more likely to hear us out.
Even playing with a pet can bring about some of the same good outcomes, as we relax and laugh at their antics.
With all the items on our to-do lists every day, it’s easy to forget that playing is an important use of our time. Whether it’s playing tabletop games, watching movies, sharing a hike, or taking a trip to the big city, summer is an excellent time to spend important playtime with those we love.